ITHACA, NY – Students of Harold Gerdfich were elated to find out the “totally down to earth” professor is preparing a tight 5 minutes of standup for the first day of class, despite undergoing divorce proceedings that will likely leave him penniless, alone, and eventually suicidal. “The kids just love it when I do self-deprecating stuff, you know?” said the dead-eyed 51-year-old man whose wife admitted that she no longer loved him and that maybe, if she’s being honest, never even loved him in the first place.
“I think this year I’ll switch it up and try riffing on pop culture. Who’s Taylor Swift dating nowadays?” At press time, Harold, a shattered husk of a man who lost all visiting rights to his 2-year-old daughter for the foreseeable future, was last seen at a local coffee shop looking up, biting his pencil, and then jotting down notes onto his Silly Ideas Sketchpad. “I’m thinking about trying out some material at an open mic before classes start. I’m nervous, but also excited!” he added as he wrote an alimony check that would undoubtedly be misappropriated towards a Caribbean vacation for his wife and her Latino lover Miguel. Sources say he was last spotted sitting in his shower, whispering repeatedly, “Any married couples in the audience tonight?”