Nooz Staff January 23, 2014

Kitchen Sink Becomes Top Fraternity Bid After Beer-Chugging Victory

ITHACA, NY – After chugging a remarkable 93 beers without the slightest sign of intoxication, a kitchen sink is now the number one bid across all of Cornell’s top fraternity houses.

“I’ve seen a lot of heavyweight drinkers in my time, but then this hunk of metal and pipes shows up and puts them all to shame,” remarked Chi Kappa member Andy Hartnett as the household appliance singlehandedly emptied a keg. The kitchen drainage system, devoid of any alcohol tolerance or human emotions, regularly consumes near-limitless quantities of alcohol. “It’s like it doesn’t even have a gag reflex,” added Hartnett.

When asked how the complicated infrastructure of tubes faired in personal interviews, Psi Sig Junior Evan Whitmore commented that “it has two modes–disposal and non-disposal–which is pretty cool I guess.” Fellow Alpha Sigma pledge Quinn Rothstein raved about the 40-year-old piece of plumbing’s commitment to greek life, stating, “Whenever I go to the house, it’s like always there!”

At press time, when asked how it felt about the whole pledging process, the intricate tunnel of stainless steel swallowed the interviewer’s notepad and proceeded to make a crunching, gurgling sound.

Like This!