February 5, 2014

Hurricane Sandy Upset that She Didn’t Cause Any Cancelations

ITHACA, NY- Following the cancellation of all Cornell classes prior to 10 a.m. due to the snowstorm, Hurricane Sandy was reportedly pretty hurt that Cornell didn’t even cancel any classes for her. “At my peak, I was a Category 3 hurricane with sustained winds of up to 129 mph. 129 mph! But I guess that’s just not extreme enough to inconvenience a college campus,” said a bitter Sandy, the second-costliest hurricane in American history. “All I do is I try and I try and do I accomplish anything? Sometimes. But now this stupid snowstorm canceled a few classes, and that’s a real bummer. Because I am a hurricane. I brought wind, and rain, and nobody understands me.” Today’s snowstorm, which is “probably too cool to be named,” declined to comment, but was found just smiling contently to himself, most likely knowing that he could have canceled all classes today if he really wanted to.

Like This!