All Students, Faculty, Staff, Go About Normal Business Ignorant of Poorly Publicized February Break

ITHACA- All members of the Cornell University community went about their usual routines this past Saturday through Tuesday, completely unaware of the February Break scheduled into the academic calendar for those days. Cornellians lost out on a chance to do fun things instead of their usual, monotonously intolerable, stressful schedules. “It’s been a pretty standard week so far,” said Professor of electrical engineering Wendy Qiao, who taught a lecture to 120 students in her introductory circuits course on Monday and who met with her research team on Tuesday, entirely missing an opportunity to sleep until 2 p.m., drink heavily, or watch copious amounts of Netflix. “Busy as usual. I don’t know when our next break is but the beach sounds great right about now.” At press time, university officials had started printing quartercards advertising Spring Break.

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