ITHACA, NY — A desperate panic broke out across campus today when a strange orange-yellow disc appeared in the sky. The appearance was marked by a change in the sky as well, as it turned an odd blue color, upsetting students who had grown accustomed to its normal, grey-black color.
Students sought support from one another, and a large group gathered in the middle of the arts quad to console and reassure each other in the face of the unknown. “I’m scared and I don’t know what’s going on,” gasped a frightened sophomore in the midst of what could only be described as pandemonium, “I’ve already called my parents and said my goodbyes. This thing in the sky doesn’t belong there and can mean nothing but a fiery death.”
Gannett health services has already neared full capacity as it admitted students who had suffered some possibly otherworldly affliction due to looking at the orb for too long. “I had never seen anything like it in all my time here,” one anonymous student with bandages over her eyes described the situation. “I stared at it, and it burned, but I couldn’t look away. It was so beautiful.”
Administration has yet to comment on the new development beyond asking students to go about their lives as normal. Neither the origin nor the purpose of the blindingly-bright orb has been discerned. As of press time, David Skorton was simply staring pensively out of a window of the AD White House, repeatedly whispering to himself, “My old friend. I never thought I’d see you here.”
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