ITHACA, NY – An new report has confirmed that nearly every single person on campus is playing the online number matching game, 2048, in an effort to experience a sweet escape from their daily lives. Productivity has ground to a halt as students and faculty alike continue to slide orange bricks across pleasantly animated four-by-four grids on their computers for hours on end. With no sign of stopping, these thousands of Cornellians have begun neglecting basic responsibilities and life goals, instead volunteered hours of their time to building increasing squares of base two in their laptop browser windows.
While experts play for the glory of beating their best times, for others, 2048 simply provides hope and meaning in their otherwise monotonously routine lives, “I got a 1024 once,” explained Junior Emily Chu.
Cornell Psychology professor Kathy Higgins explains that rather then face any of the harsh realities of their existence, the Cornell community has found solace in the calming and rewarding experience provided by 2048. Said Higgins, “I think the best strategy has something to do with using the walls, or maybe corners,” adding “it’s all luck really.”
Even the most prestigious of campus journalists have found it difficult to stay focused on their work without deferring to another round of the addictive online tile sliding experience. Still, some attempt to resist the temptation of the logical high provided by this puzzle exper-….ok left, 2,2, ok that’s a 4, up, left, ok that makes 8…ok 16, good, there’s another 16…ok go for the corner now, 32…