Freshman Disappointed to Learn that Alcohol Tastes “Gross”

NORTH CAMPUS- Upon tasting an alcoholic beverage for the first time, freshman Adrian Simmons was dismayed to find the taste very unpleasant. “Ugh, it’s like medicine,” said the Mews resident and California native, grimacing after his first sip of Svedka brand cherry vodka. “Why would people drink this? Do you guys have any soda? Or something more palatable like chocolate milk?” Eager not to give up too soon on the much hyped class of beverage, Simmons proceeded to try several more fermented and distilled liquids ranging in ethanol content from 4 to 40 percent, describing them as “disgusting,” yucky,” and “kinda urine-y.” At press time, Simmons was pleased to report that being drunk felt “good,” while alcohol’s “gross” flavor was confirmed by all parties present.

Like This!