Gannett Student Health Insurance Doesn’t Cover Broken Dreams

Gannett Health Services issued an urgent reminder Wednesday that the Student Health Insurance does not cover broken dreams.

“I thought Pre-Med would be a good idea,” complained AEM major Daphne Crawford ’15. “I told my parents not to worry that I only had a 2.3 GPA and that the student health plan would cover any shattered hopes of not getting into medical school.”

Performance and Media Arts major Patrick Allen ’14 expressed equal concern for his health insurance coverage. “What if I never make to Broadway? What if my face never sees the big screen?” he asked while simultaneously memorizing his lines for the upcoming Schwartz Production of Next to Normal and completing an application to be a summer camp counselor. “I thought I’d be able to discover myself as an artist and not worry about getting a job.”

Sharon Dittman, Associate Director for Community Relations at Gannett, wants to clarify that the Student Health Premium cannot rectify poor career choices. “We cover basic physicals, screenings, and therapy,” explained Dittman. “Unfortunately, we cannot pay for the damage done to student’s psyche when they figure out they cannot pay the bills.”

Dittman was pleased to confirm that students with pre-existing broken dreams, like not getting into Harvard or Yale, were still eligible for Gannett’s coverage.

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