ITHACA – Drew Teegen, a history major graduating this May, recently announced that he has found employment as a factory worker in Victorian era England. The senior plans on beginning his employment in July of 1844.
“Through my history classes at Cornell, I’ve learned a number of highly marketable skills,” explained Teegan. “Including an in-depth knowledge of penny-farthings, spinning jennies, and of the social and economic strife the working class faced during the early 1800’s ”
Before accepting the factory worker position,Teegan explored potential careers as as a stone mason, psychoanalyst, and even a lamplighter.
Teegen is confident that he will succeed in his workplace across the Atlantic and all four dimensions of space-time. However, he does note that his skill set may be lacking in several important areas, such as spelling “color” as “colour”, subduing his libido, and not dying of tuberculosis.”