Campus Still Hungover From Mother’s Day Festivities

ITHACA- Instead of partaking in the usual brunch with estranged family and friends, Cornell students decided to take a different approach to celebrating Mother’s Day. As a vast majority of students are away from home and their mothers, they took it upon themselves to celebrate the special occasion as any good children would. And today, hundreds all over Cornell’s campus are still feeling the effects of last night’s ragers in celebration of Mother’s Day.

“I love my mommy so much,” said Junior Sarah Lessin. “So I downed eight shots of Captain Morgan in twenty minutes to show how much she means to me.” At the time of the interview, Lessin was wearing a “Mommy’s Little Girl” tank top and vomiting on the sidewalk.

Sources report that houses and apartments across Collegetown, including at least twelve fraternities, held Mother’s Day themed parties. One brother of the Sigma Chi fraternity even reported that their most popular drinking game of the night was not beer pong, but rather a game where one writes cards to one’s mother, then subsequently takes a shot every time he feels inadequate or guilty.

The evenings feelings were summed up most poignantly by Senior Chadwick Saunders: “I think it’s a perfect way to celebrate my mom, because I know for a fact that she’s celebrating the exact same way.”


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