Nooz Staff August 23, 2014

CU Nooz’s Guide to Finding Parties

Finding parties in Collegetown without knowing anyone can be a challenge, and you may not even be able to get in once you find one! But with these helpful tips you’ll be living the college party life in no time:

  • Come by 5:30 to ensure that the party is not yet at capacity.
  • Use thermal imaging to determine what houses and apartments are heavily occupied.
  • Go to http://www.syr.edu/admissions/ and apply to Syracuse University.
  • Be sure to wear your “Class of 2018” shirt. Partygoers will be more friendly and welcoming to someone who just got to campus.
  • Send an email to Kathy Zoner, Cornell Chief of Police, to ask her where the best parties are.
  • Don’t forget ID. No parties will allow underage students to drink alcohol, but we could probably find you a Sprite or something.
  • Many parties in Collegetown will advertise their presence by using crossed spotlights in the yard.
  • Just follow the smell of vomit and broken dreams to track down the upperclassmen.
  • Who do you know? Jon. There will be a Jon. And you will know him.
  • Prove you are truly a student at Cornell by loudly singing the Alma Mater as you walk down Catherine St., they can’t deny you if you are a student here.
  • I hear Tim, the tall guy in the suite over, has a sister who graduated like 3 years ago, so maybe that’s something?
  • Be a pretty girl. Travel only with other pretty girls.

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