New Jersey Somehow not Represented in Class of 2018

ITHACA- A report that administrators are describing as “shocking” and “seemingly impossible” has revealed that Cornell’s Class of 2018 includes no individuals from the state of New Jersey.

“That can’t be right. Check them all again,” demanded Kyle Downey, admissions representative for the mid-Atlantic region, while pacing rapidly inside a boisterous admissions office filled with dozens of frantically searching employees.

“This is ridiculous. Usually if we’re missing a state it’s one of the weird ones likes Arkansas or Wyoming.”

By press time, Downey had conceded somewhat, concluding perhaps that New Jersey had dried up and he had better move on to fresher pastures.


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