Nooz Staff September 19, 2014

Cornell Computer Scientist Now More Computer Than Scientist

GATES HALL- In an interview with CU Nooz yesterday, Cornell computer scientist James Fairfield announced that, following his last fibro-neural microchip implant, he is now more computer than scientist.

“Body analysis program is complete. Percentage of body that is scientist: 34.1. Percentage of body that is computer: 65.9,” said Fairfield through his vocal transcoder. “Body analysis program shutting down.”

Fairfield continued to say that a systematic cranial processor controls his auditory and visual senses, a sub-dermal spinal configurator controls his motor functions, and a 2004 Gateway desktop powers his cognitive processes. “My vision operates in binary code. Due to this function, my remaining organs process information 4.6 times faster than before surgical implantation,” Fairfield stated in a mechanical tone.

Fairfield is a researcher in the College of Agriculture and Life Science’s communications department.

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