Student Thinks of Female Friend ‘As a Sister’ Who He Would Still Have Sex With if Offered

ITHACA, NY — Sources close to Cornell Student Aaron Lau ’15 say that Lau views female friend Kaitlyn Douglas ’15 “as a sister,” but indicate that Lau “would definitely still have sex” with Douglas if she offered.

“Me and Kaitlyn have been friends since freshman orientation,” Lau told CU Nooz. “At this point it’s almost hard for me to think of her as anything but a sister who I would bang in a heartbeat if given the chance.”

Lau went on to say, “Don’t get me wrong, I value her friendship immensely. I love her like a sister, but I would love to love her as a lover. It would be crazy for me to ask her out, though. It’s like we’re family! That’s icky.”

CU Nooz reached out to Douglas for comment. She said, “Aaron and I are so close. I love him like a brother. It’s almost like we grew up together and accumulated all of the social stigma that would surround us moving our relationship into the sexual realm.”

“Which is totally not something I would consider,” she added hastily. “He’s like my brother, and who would want to bang their brother, I mean come on…”