“I Hate Appel’s Dinner” Says Freshman Who Will Live on Cold Hot Dogs in 2 Years

ITHACA, NY — Witnesses report hearing Mac Davis, a Freshman who will eat nothing but cold hot dogs in two years’ time, complain about the quality of food at the Appel Dining Hall.

“Everything’s just so boring,” Davis said, “They have the same dishes, like, every week. Blah.” Davis resigned himself to making a “totally routine” salad from the salad bar, choosing from over 15 fresh ingredients and five different dressings. “It’s just so annoying to have to choose from such a limited selection of hundreds and hundreds of dollars’ worth of food every day for dinner.”

“I mean, I can barely even call this dinner,” said the student who will, by the beginning of his fifth semester, consider free popcorn from Willard-Straight a meal.

“I hate the dining halls,” complained Davis, who will eventually eat nothing but his signature Mac & Cheese, Tuna, and Ketchup pièce de résistance by his senior year.

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