Students Return to Desperately Clawing for Another Break

ITHACA — Thousands of Cornell students returned to campus this week to begin their Spring semester classes and to rekindle their undying impatience for a recess from school. After the month-long Winter break, students are feeling reinvigorated for the new semester’s soul-sucking agony between periods of academic inactivity.

“It’s great to be back on campus!” exclaimed Vikram Pandhi ’17 after leaving the comfort of his hometown bedroom for the first time in two weeks. “Now all I’ve got to do is keep it together until this weekend. That should be long enough to hold me over until the weekend after that.”

According to the results of a Cornell Qualtrics survey released earlier this week, students estimate that there are only four short months until summer, which in the grand scheme of things, “isn’t really that long when you think about it.”

Several statistics majors further calculated that “when you take out weekends and Spring Break and finals week and all the times we won’t be going to classes, it’s really more like a month and a half, maybe closer to two months. We can totally get through it, right? Probably.”

The next break on the Cornell Academic Calendar is February 13-17, which to be completely honest can’t fucking get here soon enough.

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