OP-ED: Would Be a Shame if Something Happened to That Nice Immune System of Yours

Say, that’s a pretty nice immune system you’ve got there, isn’t it? It’d be a shame if… well if something happened to it. We wouldn’t want that, now would we?

Look, I’m just saying that these things break all the time. People get sick is all. People get really, really sick. And you don’t want to get that sick. That’s all I’m saying.

How many white blood cells you got? Forty, maybe fifty billion? I bet you wouldn’t be too happy if someone siphoned them out of your immune system. These things happen, you know. Especially when someone like you double-crosses someone like me.

What’s that? No, I’m not threatening you! What would make you think that? I’m just looking out for you is all. That’s what friends do, they look out for each other.

I’m gonna make you an offer, and I suggest you take it. I can guarantee nothin’ will happen to your precious immune system. No diseases, no nothin’. All you gotta do is pay Vinny over there a small… incentive.

Oh, let’s say… about three fifty, every year from now until you croak. Remember, that could be sooner than you think if you don’t take our little deal here.

Or, of course, you can always pay the $2352 per year for the student health insurance plan.

What’d you say? You say no?

Vinny, I think our friend here needs a little… motivation.

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