March 10, 2015

Late Housing Lottery Time-Slot Forces Skorton Off Campus

A.D. WHITE HOUSE — As the final moments of the housing lottery came to a close, President Skorton acknowledged his ultimate failure at securing a room on campus for the upcoming academic year.

“I had hoped to block with my friend Beth Garrett because she had the best time-slot,” Skorton sighed.  “But she totally ditched Kent Fuchs and me at the last minute.  Now we’ve got no place to live.”

Skorton discussed the possibility of living with Susan Murphy, who had apparently found off-campus housing in the annex of a fraternity that had lost its charter. “I was really banking on living on campus next year, so I’m kind of screwed.  All of the apartments in collegetown are booked, and there’s no way I’m living in Schuyler.  That place is weird.  And far.”

At press time, Skorton was found pricing futons on Craigslist and measuring floor space in Olin Library.

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