March 16, 2015

Who Should You Vote For in the SA Presidential Election?

We here at CU Nooz seek to provide our readers with the key facts they need to choose which candidate they think is best suited to serve as president of the Student Assembly. So here are the reasons you should vote for each of the SA Presidential election candidates:

Vote for Matthew Stefanko if:

  • You are a member of DSP.
  • You think “Stefanko” is a cool name.
  • He is not your archnemesis, lest a vote for him would create the illusion you are interested in reconciliation. He knows what he did. And he knows the feud will never end.
  • You always get a “Round House” when you go to CTB.
  • He was the first one to ask you if you had voted yet.

Vote for Juliana Batista if:

  • You are not in DSP.
  • You think “Batista” is a cool name.
  • She saved you from a burning building. You owe her at least that much.
  • You always complain about getting the same thing, but if you’re at CTB you’ll definitely end up getting a “California Dreamin'” again.
  • You dreamed a dream of time gone by, and that dream included Juliana Batista as SA President. Now you feel obligated to make this dream a reality just in case you’re developing clairvoyance or something.

Vote for Jeff Breuer if:

  • The first two just didn’t really strike you.
  • You think “Breuer” is a cool name.
  • Your only criteria is who campaigns the least invasively.
  • Your favorite thing to get at CTB is two hard-boiled eggs.
  • You believe in increasing the transparency of University operations.
  • You picked his name out of a hat.

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