Supreme Court Decision Won’t Change Mom’s Opinion About Motorcycle-Riding Bradley

Following the Supreme Court decision this past Friday legalizing gay marriage in all 50 states, honor student Timothy Adler ’17 and notorious bad-boy Bradley announced their intention to get engaged, much to the chagrin of Adler’s mom.

“Don’t get me wrong, I’m very accepting of my son and I’m thrilled about the SCOTUS decision that allows my child to marry whoever he wants, I just wish it wasn’t that Bradley,” said Mrs. Adler, referencing Bradley’s wild motorcycle-riding tendencies and extensive collection of leather jackets as potential red flags.

“And does he have to get married while still in college? Just because you can get married doesn’t mean you should, especially if the boy you marry always wears aviator sunglasses, has tattoos and never takes off his shoes before entering the house.”

Adler’s mom reiterated that she is just concerned for her son, and does not want Timothy to make the same mistake she did when she married her first husband, Ronaldo, a handsome Spanish acrobat who has coincidentally announced his engagement to his boyfriend, Stan.

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