DONLON HALL – After a few days of attempting to secure new friendships with merely his kind nature and sense of humor, Ari Neilson ’19 has decided to change his strategy, hoping now to lure friends solely by hanging a large Bob Marley poster in his room.
“I thought I could establish lifelong friendships by being myself, but now I realize the best way meet people in college is to show them my sweet poster of Bob Marley smoking weed” said Neilson, who bought the poster after deciding his own personality was insufficient to appeal to the popular kids on his floor.
Neilson figured he would hang the Bob Marley poster next to his poster of Chuck Norris jokes and just below his ‘Keep Calm and Carry On’ poster, in an effort to project a fun yet laid back persona to potential friends.
“You can look straight through my open door and see that poster,” added Neilson excitedly, “that’s so people walking down the hall will see it, and they’ll know I’m cool too.”
Neilson has never listened to a Bob Marley song nor smoked marijuana in his entire life.