September 3, 2015

A Capella Groups Searching for New Air Guitarist

GOLDWIN SMITH — As the semester begins, Cornell’s numerous a capella groups are starting their search for students who can do a very convincing air guitar.

“We have some really good singers, but the fact is that we won’t get better as a group until we find that perfect guy who can mime an electric guitar while our tenors harmonize on some solos from Van Halen” said Dave Horowitz, president of the all-male group “The Minuet Men.”

Many prospective vocalists are busy practicing their guitar impersonations, making sure to include the necessary distortion sound effects and high pitched yells.

“I did a capella in high school, but my group only let me be the air drummer” said Christina Cowan, “If I’m warmed up enough, I may be able to mimic a good acoustic guitar, I hope that’s good enough for the The Pitch Hikers.”

The lead members of campus’ most prominent groups have stated that only those who can break their fake instruments over their knee on stage have any chance of making callbacks.

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