January 25, 2016

Sororities to Transform Potential New Members Into Mystical Fairy Creatures

magicsrat

WEST CAMPUS — Sororities have prepared to welcome a new class of young women who, by the end of Rush Week, will transformed into mystical, glitter-breathing fairy creatures.

“This is all going to be worth it, we shall be perfected by Bid Day,” gushed Quinn Pepperdine ’19, as the next step in the metamorphosis, her bare skin turning purple from the cold, was completed. The only changes left would be the smudging of her mascara and the sprouting of wings.

Daily rites performed by current members include savagely pounding on the walls to loud music, thought to awaken the higher powers of the Panhellenic Community who would bestow upon the young rushees the best Bigs in the world and the magical ability to take the perfect selfie at the end of their week-long evolution.

“Each time we scream at the girls, our shrill voices echo through their mind and instill in them our commitment to sisterhood,” explained Marissa Redding ’16 with a serene smile, who added that the women who could not evolve and adapt to their surroundings during the recruitment rounds would be weeded out by natural selection.

At press time, the girls were spotted emerging from their heavy coats and winter boots, ready to discover a higher and more worthy realm of existence.

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