May 25, 2016

Big Red Wagon Train Headin’ Out West

ITHACA TRAIL – After a long and arduous academic year, dozens of Cornellians have decided to pack up and head on West in search of prosperity and a new life for their kinfolk this summer.

“I heard there’s better opportunities out yonder,” pondered Charlie O’Brien 17’, as he was adjusting the iron skein of his wagon bed, “I heard that you can see the sun every day out in Californee’, and tech and start-up jobs just be aboundin’ out the valleys from the brim.”

Hopes of a promised-land out West have led many Cornellians to renounce their allegiance to Ithaca, and join O’Brien’s Big Red wagon train in search for their hope and big dreams of becoming the next fancyman like Mark Zuckerberg.

“Wise ole’ Charlie be a leadin’ us to new lands of unlimited start-up venture capital,” said Sammie Todd ’18, churning her butter strainer in preparation for the 5 ½ hour flight, “I just know out in Californee’ we gonna get funded.”

O’Brien and his disciples soon turned around after discovering the price of average San Francisco apartments on Zillow.

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