May 28, 2016

Seniors To All Be Pushed Into Cayuga Lake for Final Swim Test

cayugalake

CAYUGA LAKE — Founded on the desire of Ezra Cornell for all Cornellians to be able to swim, the university has made preparations to push all of the graduating seniors into Cayuga Lake as a final swim test on May 29th.

“We understand that Cornell requires all students to take a swim test in an indoor pool when they first enter as freshmen, but there’s no better way to test somebody’s swimming ability then by forcibly shoving them along with the other 3,300 seniors into the sub-50 degree waters of Cayuga Lake,” proclaimed Cornell swimming coach Wes Newman, while also promising to not go as easy on students as the school has done in the past.

“The test will require students to tread water for 20 minutes before swimming to one end of the lake and back, the long way. Ezra Cornell wanted all students to be able to swim in case of an emergency, and I can’t even think of an emergency that would require you to do all of this, so you’ll definitely be prepared.”

In addition to the new swim test requirements, Cornell recently announced that all seniors would need to sprint back from Cayuga Lake to the graduation ceremony at Schoellkopf Field in a set amount of time or else they would need to do the whole thing over again.

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