Nooz Staff July 6, 2016

Report: 10:10 Lecture Fills Up Too Quickly and Oh Boo Hoo You Sad Fucks

STUDENT CENTER — Thousands of members of the class of 2020 attempted to enroll in the 10:10 lecture of Introductory Macroeconomics this morning, however they found it filled up too quickly and oh boo hoo you sad fucks, you didn’t get a class you wanted.

“Now that I’ve been locked out of one class for next semester, I’ll have to wait until add/drop or more slots open up” said Thaddeus Karels ’20, devastated that his little fingers couldn’t click fast enough to register for his course. Well, tough tiddles for you, you myopic shithead, what are you going to do about it now?

Despite the knowledge that they have a very high chance of getting all their favorite classes once the semester starts, and in the seven semesters ahead of them, hundreds of incoming freshmen have elected to complain about it anyways like a bunch of puerile dickwads.

“Student Center froze on me, and now I have to take another course from the wide selection of intellectually stimulating classes that this world renown university offers,” said insufferable asshat Gordon Johnston ’20.

Sources report that in addition to yammering on about pre-enroll, this year’s freshman class is busying themselves worrying about living in the low rises and making sure every little tiny detail about their first year of school is absolutely perfect. Jesus fucking Christ, you spoiled swines.

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