August 3, 2016

Rising Senior Mentally Preparing for Last Year of Keystone Light

TEANECK, NJ – Justin Cochran ’17, entering his last year at Cornell, reports that he is “mentally and physically” preparing himself to drink Keystone Light Beer for the next 10 months before he can graduate to more expensive, better-tasting beers.

“One more year of this, and then never again in my life,” said Cochran, relaxing his intolerance of the urine-tasting beverage ubiquitous in Cornell nightlife.

Cochran added that he and other seniors are “in the homestretch” now, and they should make it to “at least winter break” before their stomachs and livers need to recover again.

While Cochran is excited to soon finish his four-year stint of drinking terrible beer every weekend, he expressed some nerves over moving up in the drinking world, wondering if he could ever acclimate to a better life of drinking PBR or warm Bud Light.

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