Study Abroad Applications Now Open For Next Six Semesters

DAY HALL— Due to recent events, Cornell’s office of Study Abroad has unveiled a new program allowing students to pursue their academic interests overseas for however many semesters they deem necessary.

“Due to the newfound higher demand for longer study abroad programs, we decided to accommodate. As it stands, half the student body has deserted the Cornell campus for indefinite periods of time– we’re glad so many people have managed to escape,” said Cindy Davidson, director of Cornell Abroad.

“I never thought I’d be able to escape the crumbling nation and also complete my studies!” said Jackson Midler ’20, who is taking advantage of the program by staying in Italy for the foreseeable future. “Now, I can’t imagine ever, ever going back, until these four years are over.”

Partner schools in other countries have expressed willingness to take in students who do not wish to return home, expressing concern and sympathy for the wellbeing of Cornell’s student body.

“I’ve been planning for if, God forbid, I need to stay here for yet another four years,” Midler said, crossing himself and knocking on wood.

Midler’s strategy to stay in Europe post-graduation, if needed, is to marry his Italian lab partner, stay with her in Sicily, and return to the U.S. once the country is habitable once more.

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