November 23, 2016

International Students Confused About Where Everyone Went

HOLLAND INTERNATIONAL LIVING CENTER – Huddled together in a common room of HILC, the twelve international students left all alone on campus are deeply confused about where everyone went.

“Hey, why’d everybody leave?” said bamboozled student Avi Khan after emerging to a cold, desolate wasteland. “Where would everyone need to be on the last Thursday of November?”

“They couldn’t have gone to do something, because Ithaca is fifty miles from the nearest major city, and there’s no reason to travel that far,” said freshman Kai Weston, making a detective map on a Goldwin Smith tackboard with red yarn tying together photos of his American friends. “Where could they have gone?! WHO TOOK THEM?”

At press time, a small cadre of European exchange students have assembled a search party that will meet tomorrow morning to look for the missing 20,000 students.

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