February 5, 2018

We Tried to Write A Superbowl Article, But Only Came Up with These Headlines

…Sports?

1. The Superbowl Was Fine, But What Was Up With That Lukewarm Guacamole, Sharon?
2. Justin Timberlake Fails To Bring Timber And/Or Lakes To His Performance
3. How About Those Superbowl Passes and Touchdowns and Whatnot?
4. Horny Students Disappointed Over the Lack of Janet Jackson Nipples
5. Hungry Babies Disappointed Over the Lack of Janet Jackson Nipples
6. The Eagles Won The Superbowl, But Your Uncle Is Still Racist
7. Student Pretends to Care About Superbowl After Great-Aunt Diagnosed With Cancer
8. Wait, So Tom Brady Is Not A Character on The Brady Bunch?
9. Superbowl? That Reminds Me, What’s Up With That Bowlcut Patrick?
10. Superbowl? More Like Soup Her Bowl!
11. Hey Amanda, How About Toss Some Pigskins In That Bland Ass Chili? Daddy Needs Meat.
12. Op-ED: I Fucked A Football
13. Do Footballs Taste Like Bacon? We Asked 4 Random Homeless People Downtown
14. Barbara Disqualified From SuperBowl Party Because Her Salsa Tested Positive For Okra
15. SuperBowl? More Like SuperBitch! Get Out Of My Room, Mom!
16. SuperBowl? More Like SuperCuts Did A Bang Up Job On My Little Brother, Crispin
17. Confirmed: Patriotism Dead in 2018
18. Justin Timberlake Is Just White Jamie Foxx, But Worse
19. Lucas’ Chode Mom Didn’t Warm Up The Totino’s
20. The Superbowl Was Nice, But Where Was Ben Stiller?
21. The SuperBowl Was Great, But Where Were Janet’s Titties Tho?
22. The Superbowl Was Super, But Where Was the Bowl?
23. Nooz In Pictures: Happy Eagles Fan Finally Has A Distraction From His Wildly Large Foreskin
24. While You Were Watching The SuperBowl, I Was Fucking Your Dad
25. Literally Suck My Dick, Tom Brady. No, Like Please, I Need This Tom

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