Nooz Staff March 19, 2018

Professor Bans Graphing Calculators During Prelims, Says Nothing About Rotisserie Chicken

ROCKEFELLER HALL – In an attempt to prevent his students from cheating, Physics Professor Karl Nussbaum has banned the use of advanced calculators on his exams, although he surprisingly has said nothing about the use of rotisserie chicken.

“When Professor Nussbaum said that graphing calculators were not allowed, everyone in the lecture hall looked at each other, simultaneously wondering why he also hadn’t banned rotisserie chicken during the prelim. Maybe it just slipped his mind,” remarked Leopold Kelley ‘19.

Unbeknownst to Professor Nussbaum, rotisserie chickens have been a popular cheating device for students since the rotisserie was invented in 1777. For millennia, audacious students have placed rotisserie chickens on their desks during exams and stuffed notes up the glazed chicken anal canal.

When asked about his decision to not ban the chickens, Professor Nussbaum said, “What?”

Sources confirmed that for free leftover rotisserie chicken, students should make sure to visit Uris G01 after the next physics prelim ends. There should be plenty to go around, but remember to remove the notes from the anus first.

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