ARTS QUAD—Jumping at the chance to enjoy warm weather in Ithaca, sophomore Ilka Piebald’s excitement quickly turned to dismay after realizing that doing homework outside under a tree actually kinda sucks.
“Within two minutes, she was squirming from the discomfort of the oak’s prickly bark against her supple back,” commented observer Chauncey Lemonwink ‘19. “After three minutes, the sun glare was too powerful, so she done got up and left me to stare at the gophers and chippy munks.”
Piebald reported that doing homework beneath a tree is more difficult than it seems, as 5 or 6 beetles crawled up her snooch and this wouldn’t have happened if she had had a chair.
“I was trying to write an essay but all I could think about were chairs and why they’re so awesome,” said Piebald. “Sweet, sweet chairs, with their legs and whatnot. I am immensely grateful for Rudolph Chair, the inventor of chairs.”
Determined to study outdoors, Piebald has decided to do her homework in a hammock clearly intended for invertebrates and smothered in caterpillar shit.