KLARMAN HALL—Following the debate over whether to change Cornell policy on graduate student relationships with professors, History professor and thesis advisor Corbin Mantelfield ‘77 appeared to be a little too eager to meet with all of his young advisees regarding their theses.
When informed about the proposed policy changes, Mantelfield’s advisee Gracie Smertel ‘18 remarked, “Ew, what the fuck. I would never date Corbin. He literally looks like my dad, if my dad were melted and sprinkled with smoked paprika.”
Smertel added that Professor Mantelfield recently sent her an urgent-sounding email booking her for three more meetings this week, conveniently scheduled during his snacky time.
“I mean, I know for a fact that Corbin is tryna smash. We all do. But hey, if it gets me out of this department just a second faster, I’m down to have a brief fling with his decrepit… oh shit I’m late,” said advisee Mark Sunderland ‘18 before quickly slicking back his hair and running off to “meet.”
Professor Mantelfield’s schedule has reportedly been so full that he has resorted to booking “after-hours” advisee appointments at locations such as the corner of Starbucks, a fine dinner at The Heights, and his musty dusty bed.