GOLDWIN SMITH HALL — The departure of Will Toddson ‘20 from his otherwise all-female FGSS 1101 class was met with excitement; during the first few minutes without him, the girls were finally free to remove their clothes and have a long, sexy pillow fight.
“I mean, we’ll miss having a rational and logical mind to tell us what feminism is all about,” said Candy McMulligan ‘20. “But having a big, strong man in the room made me feel uncomfortable expressing my sexuality by like, throwing my bra around like a sexy slingshot.”
Most of the girls wore tight pajamas or an oversized football jersey and panties, but some girls got a little too hot in the whirlwind of feathers and took their tops off. Regina Michaels ‘22 and Madison Bruchiner ‘19, who had been waiting until Toddson left, decided to practice kissing on one another.
However, not every girl in class celebrated Toddson’s exit. McMulligan admitted that she’d had a massive crush on him, and coyly showed her heart doodles in her notebook. “I hate to see a student leave,” insisted Professor Lintenbrick, “but now us ladies are finally free to gab and gossip as girls do—I hear Candy has a crush on Will.”
Needless to say, by the third week of class without Toddson, everyone’s periods had synched up.