Nooz Staff May 6, 2019

Forty-Five-Year-Old Alum Feeling Real Bold in Daily Sun Comment Section

BLOOMINGTON, IN– After reading a Cornell Daily Sun article that he did not agree with, 45-year-old alum David Waller ‘96 dauntlessly decided to express his discontent in the publication’s comment section.

Turning on the caps button on his keyboard, Waller lamented  his alma mater’s fall from grace when it comes to political discourse around campus. “BACK IN MY DAY ONLY THE OPINIONS OF PEOPLE LIKE ME MATTERED,” Waller stated. “NOW YOU HAVE PEOPLE THINKING THINGS I DON’T BELIEVE AND CORNELL SHOULD BE ASHAMED AS A RESULT,” he opined.

When met with responses from current students, Waller decided to show off his superior intellect and non-snowflakeness by responding with more caps-locked sentences and gifs. To add a cherry on top and truly outwit his critics, Waller used the “laughing emoji” reaction in order to truly prove that their opinions were not even worth a proper response.

Do not be mistaken however! Should he have chosen to engage further in the argument, our middle-aged Facebook warrior would have certainly destroyed any opponent who dared challenge him, and masterfully changed their mind to the correct opinion on the particular matter.

 

 

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