Nooz Staff November 21, 2019

Stupid Fuck Still Thinks He’s Getting Free Printing

OLIN LIBRARY—Despite the announcement that free printing on campus has been delayed until next fall, dumb piece of shit Andy Bardner ‘21 still has faith that Cornell will eventually provide free printing.

“I’ve done a whole cost-benefit analysis, and it’s at least a few cents cheaper to wait for free printing than purchasing my own printer, paper, and ink,” said Bardner, too much of an absolute fucking clown to realize free printing will be delayed every semester until after he graduates. 

While most of Bardner’s non-fuckwad peers resigned to buying a $40 printer on Amazon, the utter dipshit insists on hauling ass to campus to print assignments at ungodly hours as if more than 200 of the 3000 pages he prints annually could even possibly be free.

“Even if I lose money here, at least I’ll make it back when Cornell realizes it should lower the cost of bus passes, gym memberships, and housing,” continued the complete dickhead.

As of press time, Cornell IT is focusing on improving Net-Print by requiring Three-Step Login.

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