Nooz Staff March 19, 2021

West Campus Adds Chicken Fingers to Menu for All the Wittle Picky Babies

WEST CAMPUS– In a move that will be celebrated by seven-year-olds everywhere, Cornell Dining has made an exciting new addition to the regular menu on West Campus- Chicken Fingers! Citing the mounting requests from students to diversify the menu, as well as complaints about the food being “too spicy” and “completely inedible”, the dining staff has decided to meet the needs of all the students they serve, but especially those of “picky, wittle babies”.

“This was a long time coming,” said Becker House head chef Tony Kveragas before continuing “Each year it seems like more and more students have the dining palettes of kindergarteners and they really won’t eat anything that you can’t find on a Kid’s Menu. You make them a seared salmon or pork chops and they simply will not take it. Give them some mac and cheese and they’ll go lights out with it.”

This is not the first time campus dining has had to accommodate the childish diets of students. Last fall, in order to meet the demand for finger food, North Campus dining facilities added plain buttered pasta to the options in a move that was lauded by freshmen as an “unprecedented display of culinary innovation”. 

Current reports indicate that Dining Services are exploring adding Dino Nuggets for those dissatisfied by the shapeless chicken fingers.

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