Nooz Staff May 4, 2021

Op-Ed: Why I Won’t Be Sending My Super Spicy Manifesto to the Sun’s Op-Ed Section

I have a take that is probably hotter than a damn quasar, but you will never see it published in the Daily Sun Opinion section. While my piece would definitely scorch Guest Room like the Notre Dame Cathedral, I feel like my earth-shattering letter would just get lost in the shuffle of entirely unfounded, trigger-happy writing. My take is not “be happy rich kids go here” hot, nor as toasty as “grade deflation is real, sheeple: let’s get rid of it.” Nay, my take is spicier than both… combined. However, in an act of brave defiance, I refuse to stoke the fires of the Cornell community with the stick of dynamite that is my opinion. So there is nothing to fear; I will not be exploding your freaking minds anytime soon. Additionally, I call upon every Cornell student whose veins run hot with controversy and whose pens flow with pure capsaicin to stand as a unit and boycott the Daily Sun Opinion section. Allow them to shiver in the cold without our steamy opinions to keep them warm. Let us watch them crumble under the weight of pedestrian takes that are backed with “data” or are based in “reality.” We shall extinguish the Sun with freezing, well-written opinions, and only after then shall we rise like a new dawn on our own sun that is fueled exclusively by our wildly off-collar perspectives. But like, for real, peep my piece on the The Odyssey: “Why You Should Wait Until Sex To Get Married.”

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