Sub from Jansen’s Swaddled Like Newborn Child

JANSEN’S MARKET—With the tenderness of a loving mother to her newborn child, Geoffrey Wu ‘25 retrieved a small wool blanket from his bag at noon today and gently wrapped it around the Southwest Chipotle Chicken Ranch Sub he had just picked up from Jansen’s Market. 

“I was craving a sub, so I went to Jansen’s,” explained Wu while nestling the sandwich between his body and the inside of his coat, like a mama goose protecting her gosling. “But I noticed it’s a little windy out, so I brought a cozy blankie to keep this little guy here warm.”

Wu then began the trek up the slope and back to Donlon, all the while shielding his precious kin from the wind, snow, and geese in their path. He noted that perhaps a carriage would have been better, but that all that matters is that his “wittle baby boy” makes it home safe.

“I know things seem hard right now and I hate that I can’t promise you the entire world, my angel,” whispered Wu to his little bundle of joy. “But I promise you, my subby wubby, daddy’s going to make it and everything is going to be okay.”

At press time, Wu was seen gently stroking the wrapper of his sandwich and cooing baby babble while crossing over Beebe Lake.

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