Ithaca Beer Co. Promises to Open After Acquiring Gifts of Gold, Frankincense, and Myrrh

COLLEGETOWN—Following months of delays since this past summer, Ithaca Beer Co. has promised they will finally open once they’ve acquired gifts of gold, frankincense, and myrrh.

“We were hoping the issues we had with acquiring our liquor license would be the last of the obstacles we would encounter,” said owner, Mark Speltz. “I haven’t had many issues finding gold and frankincense, but I’ve looked all over the place for myrrh and it’s apparently only available in Bethlehem which is going to take at least two weeks to ship.”

The recent roadblock in Ithaca Beer Co.’s journey to opening the Collegetown location is only one of many frustrations, including the tasks of feeding five thousand people and finding two of every living creature and putting them on a boat.

“Definitely one of the strangest requirements for opening was when we were told we would have to find some way to turn water into wine,” noted Jessica Beller ‘22, a bartender at the new location. “Our expertise is in beer, so it took us a few weeks to get that to work.”

As of press time, Ithaca Beer Co. announced they will be shuttering their doors after failing to acquire the gift of rent to stay in the Student Agencies building.

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