Fifth Generation Cornellian Couldn’t Do Any Better Than This, Apparently

SCARSDALE, NY—Despite being a quintuple legacy of a world class university, recent admit and incoming freshman Warren Dansworth clearly could not get into a better school than this.

Following several months of silence as his friends joyously announced acceptances to better schools, Dansworth was quick to share the news of his acceptance to Instagram, expressing his excitement at “finally joining the Big Red family” and making it immediately obvious to his peers that he has literally no other prospects.

Like Dansworth, other members of his family made sure to brag about this lackluster feat on their social media, as if literally the rest of their family hadn’t achieved the same exact thing.

“College application season has been nothing short of stressful, especially considering how much time and money we spent on tutoring, college application coaches, private meetings with trustees, and generations of alumni donations,” said his mother, Claire Dansworth ‘72 in a Facebook post. “It’s so exciting to see Warren follow in the footsteps of his brother, me, his father, his grandparents, great-grandparents, and his great-great grandfather. God willing, his children and grandchildren will follow in the same path as well.”

As of press time, Dansworth was seen drafting a LinkedIn post expressing his excitement  to receive an internship offer at the same exact company his mother, grandfather, great-grandfather, and great-great-grandfather worked at.

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