Suspicious! Pescatarian Friend a Little Too Close to Ice at Harvard Hockey Game

LYNAH RINK- During the annual practice of Cornell’s most oceanic tradition, Sonia Steiner’s ’25 increasingly strange behavior caught the attention of her friends. 

            “It started out normal, like, she insisted we get to Lynah an hour early so she could get as close to the ice as possible.” Reported Kirsten Gale ’25 “Sure, I thought, the Harvard game is a big deal and she just wanted to be near the action.”

            Spectators only began to question her behavior when she began to visibly salivate at the sight of the raw fish produced by other students.

            “She kept muttering ‘finally, I haven’t enjoyed the sweet taste of salmon in twelve months.’” Elaborated Kirsten. “Like, I knew she was pescatarian, but I didn’t think that meant she ONLY ate fish.”

            Steiner’s hockey experience concluded suddenly when she was escorted out of the game for unhinging her jaw and gleefully launching herself at the fish as they were pelted onto the ice.

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