DAY HALL—This month, students protesting Starbucks due to their union-busting practices occupied Day Hall until administrators agreed to meet their demands. While VP Ryan Lombardi gave in to the protest, President Pollack remained unmoved–not because she doesn’t care about students or because her wage remains unaffected by her actions, but because she was unaware that the occupation was happening at all.
“There’s a Day Hall?” said a confused Pollack after stumbling upon a “Get Starbucks out of Cornell” poster on her way to her third meeting this semester. “Day hall? Why not call it night hall when it gets dark? ba dum-tsk! Just kidding, but seriously, what is that?”
When notified by a colleague that Day Hall housed administrative offices, such as the registrar, bursar’s office, and financial aid office, Pollack replied equally puzzled.
“Oh, it’s the financial aid building? Hm. Fin-an-cial aid.. fye-nan-tial aide… fii-nen-shull aid… phi-naan-shal eight. Yeah, not ringing a bell,” she said, scratching her head. She continued investigating the poster, wondering what coffee beans did to make so many students so angry.
“Sure, when Starbucks makes my pink drink with a little bit too much ice, I send it back. But that’s no reason to occupy an entire building,” she said. “I’m sure I can work something out with corporate to overhaul the light ice system if that’s something students would be interested in.”
“Welp, back to what I was doing,” shrugged Pollack, opening Candy Crush on her phone and continuing on her way.