“I Have Concepts of a Plan”: Trump Scrambles to Outline Essay

MAR-A-LAGO, FL—With a looming deadline and mounting pressure from advisors, former President Donald Trump is reportedly clambering to finish his first paper’s outline for GOVT 1111: Intro to American Government and Politics.

“The President is currently hard at work to deliver this outline for the American people,” said Trump campaign spokesman Steven Cheung. “Meanwhile, radical left Marxist Kamala Harris and her handlers are sitting in crime-ridden Washington, DC, likely getting her outline ideas from an illegal migrant or Liberal Big Tech’s ChatGPT.”

During an impromptu press conference between Trump’s getting a snack and checking his phone, the former president seemed confident in his methods.

“What’s going to happen is that I am going to finish this outline before 11:59, and it’s going to be a wonderful outline. The best outline this class has ever seen. Some people in the media—very dishonest people—some people are saying that I have no plan for this essay. That’s a lie, a dishonest lie. I have a plan—I have concepts of a plan. And there are concepts and options we have to do that. And you’ll be hearing about it in the not-too-distant future.

“By the way, who ever heard of this, having to submit an outline before you write the essay? Who ever heard of this? This is called weaponization—weaponization, folks, weaponization of the education system—a very liberal system, I might add, and a very liberal professor—this is weaponization against a political opponent. Everyone—students, professors, legal scholars—everyone thinks that this outline system is a bad system. But we will complete the outline and it will be amazing, folks.”

At press time, the former president’s TA had not received the assignment.