SIBLEY HALL—Much to the chagrin of Cornell’s artistic, architectural and alternative communities, Green Dragon Cafe has closed for the semester due to renovations to Sibley Hall. The cafe, located at the north end of the Arts Quad, has long served as a vibes marketplace and popular hangout spot for some of the university’s chillest students.
“Well, popular isn’t really the right word,” clarified Wyatt Steez ‘25. “Not a lot of people know about this little hidden gem of ours. It’s kind of… underground.” Wyatt was one of several resident skaters who has now been forced to migrate to competing cafes to grab a chai in between seshes.
“Dude, it sucks,” said Steez, casually tossing his beanie and shaggy, dirty-blond hair out of his face. “I hate dropping in at Zeus. Everyone there is stylish too, but they’re, like, pre-professional stylish. I haven’t seen a single pierced septum in weeks.”
Displaced Green Dragon regulars allegedly held a vigil for the closure of their beloved gathering place, although it was difficult to verify the details of the event. Passerby reported witnessing the lowkey lighting of a few nonchalant candles, an effortlessly impressive charcoal tribute drawing, and a somber Sufjan Stevens sing-along.
At press time, university officials were seen scrambling to fast-track the cafe’s reopening as the Treasurer’s office reported the campus’s skyrocketing levels of aura debt.
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