GOLDWIN SMITH HALL—In this rising age of polarization, it is rare that parties reach across the aisle to get important work done. In a stunning development for bipartisanship, Cornell Dems and Cornell Republicans have each agreed to “only have two women”.
Cornell Republican President Jake Horan ‘25 was relieved that the two groups were able to compromise on the matter: “There were talks of even three or four women, maybe even having one on E-Board. Ultimately, I think everyone is content with the conclusion we reached today.”
Both parties knew just how crucial this compromise was. Instead of competing to trick women to go to meetings, both groups can now focus on other enterprises, like competing to trick men to go to meetings, and letting the new womanly duo speak on occasion.
CU Dems Vice President for Diversity and Inclusion Matt Smithson ‘26 worked particularly hard to reach this agreement: “Women are an integral part of what makes this club work, and I’m proud to say I was a part of this historic moment. I just hope I get the opportunity to meet one some day.”
When asked to comment on the matter, one woman involved in campus politics remarked she was “just happy they stopped calling us human females”.
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