DAY HALL—As Thanksgiving Day nears, Cornell’s campus nears emptiness as most students, staff, and faculty leave Ithaca to celebrate with family. For the few who remain, Morrison Dining offers its annual Celebration of Gratitude Dinner. However, for Interim President Michael Kotlikoff, Thanksgiving is more than just a celebration.
Spectators recall watching Kotlikoff follow live turkeys roaming the Ag Quad, before launching on them with a net. That evening, Morrison Dining worker Jeffrey Laskey ‘26 revealed that they had gotten twelve Thanksgiving turkeys as gifts from an unknown benefactor, with a strange “diesel smell.”
“I used to be a veterinarian, so yes, animals have always interested me,” explained Kotlikoff to a concerned colleague. “Sometimes I’ll see a deer behind Beebe Lake, and I make a tending grunt to pretend I’m a doe. Oh, the turkey? I just wanted to run some experiments. Just as I expected, you can fit a turkey up there.”
When asked what “there” meant, Kotlikoff began cantering out of Day Hall on all fours, refusing to comment any further.
Laskey remains worried. “Sometimes when I pass Day Hall, I can hear turkeys gobbling in distress, and someone cheering in utter glee. I get chills just thinking about it.”
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