PLANNED PARENTHOOD—Amidst the end-of-year sentimentality, everyone’s favorite period-tracking app couldn’t help but jump on the new “wrapped” trend, announcing an update to show users’ end-of-year period-related data.
“The new feature contains dozens of exciting statistics you’ve never wanted to see or know!” stated spokesperson Jonas Piercy. “For example, did you know that of the 47 times you blamed your generally irrational anger on PMS, you were only correct thrice? Wow!”
Flo’s web developer shared his innovative concept for the feature’s launch: “I feel like the problem with other wrapped features is that the sharing process takes too long. You have to click like nine buttons or something to share it on Instagram,” explained William Crowley, the lead software engineer on this project. “That’s why, with Flo’s new update, your Flo-wrapped statistics will automatically be posted on your public Instagram story, texted to your mom, and emailed to all your contacts, specifically at any jobs you might have recently applied to.”
Flo plans to release the update alongside a media release stating “mwahahahaha” and a promise to “never sell that information to the government, unless JD Vance wants to give us like, a few million dollars”.
Like This!
