Major Cornell Major Tournament FINALS

Click to see enlarged bracket Vote here! March Madness may be over, but the 2nd annual Major Cornell Major Tournament is still wrapping up and BOY oh BOY, ain’t it toasty up in here?! Vote to crown this year’s majorly most major Cornell major. This round ends Thursday at 11:59PM, Read More

Major Cornell Major Tournament Round V

Click to see enlarged bracket Vote here! It’s the FINAL FOUR! Call up your brothers, your sisters, your mams, your paps, even your ol’ Uncle Dennis… because it’s VOTING TIME! We will be accepting responses for this round until noon tomorrow ET, 4/3. So that’s right folks, make sure your Read More

“Most Diverse” Class of 2022 Welcomed To Campus Riddled With Hate Crimes

Helen Hu / Cornell Daily Sun

DAY HALL—Yesterday, the University selected 5,288 students to create “the most diverse class in university history” and is proud to welcome the Class of 2022 to a campus riddled with hate crimes. “We have admitted a highly talented and accomplished [class] who will flourish as Cornellians,” said senior vice provost Read More

New Blue Lights on Campus Actually Two Week Art Installation

Michael Wenye Li / Cornell Daily Sun

CENTRAL CAMPUS—The new Blue Light call boxes recently installed on campus are an architecture professor’s temporary art exhibit and will not connect users to the police, the University clarified Wednesday. “I’ve decided to do my part to make Cornell more secure by creating an installation that forces viewers to ponder Read More

Candidate Interrupts Couple’s Breakup to Ask for SA Election Vote

LIBE CAFE— Desperate to reach more voters last-minute to clinch the SA Election this semester, Larold McLandham ’21 cheerfully approached a couple breaking up over coffee at Libe. “Hi, how are you folks doing today?” The oblivious candidate chirped, beaming his most charming smile on the future ex-couple’s distraught faces. Read More

Campus Activists Organize Hunger Strike Just In Time For Spring Break Dieting

HO PLAZA—To the relief of many students, a recent hunger strike in response to continued government inaction on sensible gun reform has aligned perfectly with the dieting period before Spring Break. “No matter how strict my meals were, I could never lose enough weight to get the bod I wanted. Read More

Entomology Department Introduces Therapy Bees to Provide Emotional Support During Prelim Season

WILLARD STRAIGHT HALL – To address student mental health concerns during prelim season, the Entomology Department has begun hosting animal therapy sessions in Willard Straight Hall with gigantic, droning swarms of bees. Department chair Bryan Danforth cited the short supply of therapy dogs on campus as inspiration for the idea.“We Read More

Dick Cheney Required To Pass Intro To Handgun Safety Before Speech

Update: The former Vice President’s speech has been postponed due to him accidentally shooting the instructor and failing the class. STATLER AUDITORIUM—In anticipation of Dick Cheney’s visit to campus, the University has required the former Vice President to successfully complete PE 1515: Introduction to Handgun Safety before being cleared to Read More