Tag Archives: Academics

Student Forgets iClicker, Confident He Can Download, Set up Mobile App Before Question Closes

URIS G01—After facing an iClicker question in lecture and realizing he left his iClicker at home, Chad Morrison ‘22 began the process of purchasing the Reef app, confident he could set everything up before the question closed. “Yeah, it shouldn’t be too hard,” Morrison said. “Eduroam is pretty fast in Read More

Ag School to Offer New Major: Beating the Living Piss Out of Livestock

ROBERTS HALL—The College of Agriculture and Life Sciences announced Friday that is will soon offer a new major for those who want to farm, but also want to put their animals through tremendous pain. “Chicken nuggets taste better after the chickens were smashed in the face with a crowbar,” explained Read More

Humanities Not Dead, Just Sleeping

GOLDWIN SMITH HALL—Despite the rumors that the humanities are dead, faculty and students at Cornell firmly believe that they are, in fact, only sleeping. “It’s only natural that the humanities would need a break,” explained Art History Professor Nick Chen. “They mattered for thousands of years, and a discipline can’t Read More

Walking Diagonally Across College/Campus Intersection Definitely Worth It, Study Says

CAMPUS ROAD AND COLLEGE AVE—According to a new study released by the Department of Civil Engineering, walking diagonally across the College Ave.—Campus Rd. intersection has been found to be definitely worth it. “My entire commute to class has changed after discovering that trick, so it’s been cool to see the Read More

Honoring Black History Month, Professor Pledges to Continue Using Blackboard This Semester

ROCKEFELLER HALL—In an effort to show solidarity with his Black students during Black History Month, Anthropology Professor Bradley Haynes announced that he will refuse to switch from Blackboard to Canvas this semester. While many professors are not opting to switch platforms until Spring 2020, Professor Haynes said his choice will Read More

Well-Intentioned Professor Writes “Happy 4th Day of Chankgukah” On Board

MCGRAW HALL—Attempting to spread the holiday spirit, Professor Robert Jones wrote a greeting on the board before lecture this Wednesday that completely butchered the spelling of Chanukah. “I think Professor Jones remembered only the first and last letters and just filled in the rest by using, like, a random-letter generator Read More

Brave Student Sparks Revolution With Scathing Course Evaluation

GOLDWIN SMITH HALL—In a display of gritty revolutionary spirit, Elia Wang ‘21 took it upon herself to use course evaluations to dismantle Cornell’s ruling class: tenured professors. “I was looking for a way to truly make my voice heard,” said Wang. “And submitting an evaluation of straight ones will be Read More

Op-Ed: My Professor Said There Were No Dumb Questions, But Got Mad When I Asked If Women Are People Too

Just yesterday, my professor encouraged us to ask questions and not to feel embarrassed if we didn’t understand something. Yet when I asked later in lecture whether women are, in fact, people, she totally flew off the handle! I was dumbfounded. She completely flipped out, and it was RIGHT after Read More

Generous Professor Lets Students Skip Final if They Have Sex With Him

STATLER HALL—In an attempt to alleviate the stress of finals and let students go home early, Hotel School Professor Mark Devlin has kind-heartedly decided to make the final optional for all students who venture to his house and have sex with him. “I know having back-to-back-to-back finals can be overwhelming Read More